A Hundred Different Places

Sometimes I feel like my heart lives in a hundred different places...

Friendships grow in seasons.

Waves of laughter and shared trials

Weave us deeply in these times.

A balance of the light and the darkness

As we learn to go in grace.

We walk down paths together,

For we aren't meant to be alone.

But see,

Even these well worn paths have different trails -

Some of us are called down those

That take us far from the place we were.

Some climb the mountains,

Others, the valley depths -

Some wade through puddles,

While others swim through the oceans -

But none of it is meant to be traveled alone.

That's why I'm so glad to have you.

Sometimes I feel like my heart lives in a hundred different places,

Because you're not always by my side.

We walk together for a time

But there's always new horizons, and sometimes,

You go different ways from me.

As we travel down these roads of life, we come together

And sometimes part -

But I know we're all headed to the same Kingdom,

And we'll meet again there. 

There -

Where all the dust and grime will be washed from our feet,

And we'll find our true Rest.

So though my heart lives with so many now,

In hundreds of different places -

Someday we will all dance on the same shoreline

And we'll forever be with the Creator

Who set us into motion

Out of Love.

It's a peaceful thought.

~ZA

A Time Ago

And sometimes - that's okay.

A Time Ago

8/25/15

I still remember who you were

When we first met.

We were different,

You and I.

A lot younger too.

Laughter and stories built us closer -

Shared heartaches and

Whispered dreams 

Drew the threads tight.

We played with the colors;

We created worlds

Full of wonder, quests

And new found friends.

We became bright specks in the turning world -

A safe place to run

When the Outside seemed too heavy.

                               We were on different journeys

But we crossed parallel paths.

We grabbed each other by the hand

To find 

The pieces we each searched for.

We became the encouragement to share

The goals,

The hopes,

And even the bits we didn't know what to do with.

We were alive together 

And it was as if we built community

In a place no one would've thought to look

Because we saw the echoes of ourselves

In one another.

Oh, it was not without the hard times

For we did not always understand each other.

We brought together 

Disagreements 

And shadows from our different worlds.

We caused each other tears

And sharp tones

And bitterness that drove some apart...

We were not perfect;

Not everything was easy 

As words became weapons and

Opinions became rule -

As some rose up in conviction

And some watched in dismay.

As we, in time, became very different 

From who we used to be....

But not all of that was bad,

For we grew up. 

We learned how to hold together in hard times

And we tested our bonds.

We became deeper

Even when the distance pulled us farther.

We joined hearts in prayer

And voices to bring encouragement.

There was a sense of loss

And a sense that we'd shaken things loose -

But still a certainty we'd continue on

To bring something new.

We became different...

And yet -

I'll always know who we once were.

I remember you in the wild laughter

And I see you in a myriad of letters

And little gifts

And precious conversations.

I remember you in the silly things,

And the ringing joys

And the rush of shared accomplishment.

I remember all of what was 

Like I remember the sun in the reflection of the moon.

It's so very different 

But I cherish both.

When I am with you now

I still see the shadow of what we had

But there is a blank space we're filling

With new stories,

New laughter,

New tomorrows...

Change isn't always an ending.

I don't regret 

That we're here now,

But I like to look back on the journey 

We took to get here.

Because

I still remember who you were

When we first met.

We were different,

You and I.

A lot younger too.

~Ophelia - Marie

I Don't Want To Grow Up

 I Don't Want To Grow Up
 10/1/12

I don't want to grow up on the inside -

Not ever.

I don't want to stop dreaming

Because I care so much what others think

And I must follow them.

I don't want to push my dreams into a corner

And strive for level ground

Because that's what some are doing.

I don't want to leave my goals

To die in the dust

Just because the world won't support them.

I don't want to grow out of dreaming -

High, bright, full of wonder -

The type of dreaming that makes my heart soar,

Wrapped in the knowledge

God is guiding me.

I don't want to stop caring

Because I've put everyone in categorized bubbles

And they don't matter anymore.

I don't want to see someone crying

And hurry away

Because I don't have time.

I don't want to look at people

And only wonder what they'll give me,

How they'll help me forward,

And if they are worth my time.

I don't want to grow out of caring-

Deeply, truly caring -

The type of caring that makes me cry

Though I don't know their name,

Or fully understand their hurt.

I don't want to stop playing

Because there are better things to do

And they must come first.

I don't want to despise twirling in the thunder storm

And stop marveling

In the beauty of the lightening that flashes across the sky.

I don't want to grow out of laughing -

Genuinely, fully, without thought of those around -

The type of laughing that others don't have to understand

But secretly wish they weren't afraid

To share in too.

I don't want to stop hoping

Because all I see is the practical side of it

And everything is black or white.

I don't want to stand so solidly in my ways

That all others are wrong

Since I am so right.

I don't want to grow out of hoping -

Trusting, watching, believing that God has good things ahead -

The type of hoping that buoys my soul

Into leaping to actions of faith

And grasping God's promises.

I don't want to stop living with wonder

Because I let it be drained away

And life is now only routine.

I don't want to release these bits of life

In favor of being mature

And unknowingly become cynical.

I don't want to grow out of looking in wonder -

Dancing, knowing, touching the gloriousness of being alive -

The type of wonderment that makes me treasure moments,

Holding fast to the knowledge,

That life is beautiful in Christ.

I don't want to grow up on the inside -

Not ever.

~ZA

 Note: I've started a new blog:
 Opinions, Thoughts And General Rambling: http://in-which-i-talk.blogspot.com/

I've also written a whole blog series based on each verse of this poem: http://in-which-i-talk.blogspot.com/2014/12/i-dont-want-to-grow-up-beyond-wonder.html

 Copyright © 2013  Ophelia M. Flowers

I am blessed. :)

   This doesn't have anything to do with writing, but I think it's obvious by now that sometimes I just post things randomly that aren't poetry or excerpts. *Shrugs*  It's my blog. ;)

   Anyway, this is something I wanted to say and I decided to say it here.

   When I was younger I knew the world had hurts but they never really effected me. I was in my safe bubble of Christian family, homeschooling and church. I interacted with people, but I didn't really see.

    As I got older I more and more understood the hurts. My bubble got smaller and smaller. But even when I saw the hurts, they didn't really impact me. I prayed and meant it- but I don't think I understood. It didn't as often break my heart into pieces.

    Now my heart breaks. Why? I got to know people. I started listening to the pains and hurts of others- the confusion they were dealing with and the uncertainties of their families. Prayer became a lot more to me – a way to pour out my heart for people when I felt at a total loss for words. And as I more and more see the hurts of the world, I finally understand something, if only just a little:

    I have it really good. I have Christian parents who have raised me to love and fear God, to be a hard worker, and to have respect for others. I have a dad who is a pastor and a mom who home schooled me all my years of school. I'm the (admittedly bossy) older sister to three younger siblings who (though we have our squabbles) I'm blessed to have. Most importantly, I'm loved by God and I know for certain that I am His. He has blessed me in so many ways and I don't deserve any of it.

    I've been shaken a lot this year, cried for a lot of people, questioned God about His reasons for things, and done a lot of pondering. No matter what happens in my life or the lives of the ones I love, I can say with confidence that God is good. I don't always understand what He is doing and many times I cry out to Him in questioning but He always comes through. He's not constrained to my time limits and He doesn't need my permission to work in my life. He's God. He's in charge. And oh, He is so good.

 

~ZA

Seeing Now

Three of my best friends as we played on the sand dunes.

 

            I've been thinking about growing up lately. . .

 

 

 Seeing Now 10/1/12

 

I never did appreciate what I had fully

Until it began to change.

I'd spend so much time thinking about coming events,

That I'd sometimes forget the good things I had

In that moment.

 

Those moments are slipping away

And I'm beginning to see how many I've wasted.

Just because I had them in my hands

Didn't mean they were less valuable

Than the ones just beyond my finger tips.

Oh, but it seemed that way at the time. . .

It's only now I see it.

 

At times all I want to do is wrestle time into submission

And never leave this point.

I know there's so much more to see-

That there's so much for God to use me for-

But in all truthfulness,

It hurts so much.

 

It hurts to leave now behind

Because I'm leaving parts of childhood-me lying there.

Now and then pieces come,

And I try to pretend that it can be as it was

But there is no going back.

Only forward into an unknown.

 

I can't change what is coming,

Or stop the time that slips away in dancing tendrils,

But I can treasure the moments I have left,

Such as they are.

It's not as if my story has ended;

I'm just walking up a different mountain,

Fording an unknown river,

Walking into a different chapter-

It's all part of growing up.

 

~ZA

 

Copyright © 2012 Ophelia M. Flowers
The quote on the picture is not my own.